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That "forever" in stand-by now

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Dr. Laura Cantarella, author of the article, is a psychologist and psychotherapist. She speaks to all couples who in this difficult period had to postpone their marriage, in this article you can find some valuable advice to face in the best way the situation.

In these days we are leaving in a forced isolation period, due to COVID-19 emergency, and one of the most stressing matter is its psycological effect on the people.

Between the “collateral victimes” of Coronavirus there are the couples who decided to celebrate their wedding day in this period. All those couples who dedicated the latest year to plan the wedding day, choosing with passion every detail and dreaming about their “yes day”, now they have to postpone it.

So, in addition to the normal emotions due to such a kind of event so desired by the couple – especially – by the woman, some different symptomatologies, both physical and mental, can occur: muscles tension, sleepiness changes, irritability, until experiencing a sense of dismay, disappointment, dissatisfaction and some anxiety.

One of the most common emotional condition, is dissatisfaction, which arises after a failed fulfillment of a purpose, of a need or a desire. If we think about an emotion which often starts with a frustraiting event as the one of postponing the wedding, could be anger, since it looks like there is a barrier between you and your target. Sometimes, is not only this kind of problem to cause anger but some thoughts that act up just before the event itself.

It could be sensed as an injustice: “it isn’t accettable”, “why everything happens to me?”, “I’m so unlucky”. Thoughts that arise around the feeling to be an injustce victim, incite bitterness and inspire some other negative thoughts that impede different options research. In this way a vicious cycle of negative thoughts starts. Anyway it is important to know that is normal to experience these feelings in such a situation.

Hereunder some suggestions to face in the best way this emotional weakness:

Consider frustration as a “delayed gratification” and not as a “failure”. The way you use to set the situation modifies your reactions and your emotions. if you consider it something you can outdo, you’ll win. Try to seize the opportunity to nurture your ability to wait for something, that is the ability to achieve results. “To wait means to be patient, to listen, to observe and to watch. Respecting the pace of life, the evolution of things and the universal journey. Good things come to those who wait. This value is a key to a happy life, because having patience means being calm in the face of frustration and fear. Having patience means that you trust the universe and your journey. Things will come to you when you are ready” (Siddharta by Herman Hesse).

Acquire new point of view. To face frustration is to manage a feeling of powerlessness. To neutralize it , do some personal action. Besides that, maybe the postponement of this event so exclusive and unique could let you to taste it better? To plan it taking more care of every detail to let it be a real success?

Reconsider your expectations. Try to move away from an egocentric point of view and have a wider one, including all other people who are in the same situation can help when we have a subjective view of the reality.

Focus on your desires. Focus yourself on “the day” and concentrate on every single detail you desired. If there is a correspondence, a connection, a relationship between what you think and what you achieve, this focus will successfully influence the realization of your ideas.

Cultivate friendship realtionship. Even if in a potential way – in this restrictions period – it is important to keep in touch with your friends, since the time spent for the social sphere regulates

Take care of yourself. Having more time for taking care about you body and tour mind, you’ll be more relaxed and free from negative thoughts. Take your time for a relaxing bath, for cooking and reading books.

Dr. Laura Cantarella

+39 333 825 8587

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